Los Pensamientos del Momento: Vol 3

Pues otra vez estoy aqui en mi querido blog, y solo puedo decir que estoy aburrido con cojones. Y orita pense, como tengo que escribir aproximadamente 10 paginas de contenido variado, mejor ahora saco todo lo que tengo en mi mente para empezar a calentar los dedos. Ok, a continuacion les doy la tercera edicion de Los Pensamientos del Momento.

Miss Universe 2010: Mariana Vincente ERA la mejor.

No, no lo digo porque tuve la increible suerte de tomarme una foto con ella, sino porque es una realidad. La dama tenia la gracia, la belleza, y la actitud de ser la Miss Universe. Lo que estoy tratando de decir es, fue el traje que la jodio. No creo que fue por el color ni porque era muy extravagante o grande, fue el jodio memeleco que tenia atras que parecia que cogieron un lazo de decoracion de jardin y lo pusieron ahi. Mientras estoy en el tema, quiero tambien expresar que la razon porque todo el mundo esta tan jodido mentalmente sobre la Srta. Vincente es porque por primera en años no llegamos a las 5 finalistas. Es deprimente si. Pero vamos a verlo de esta manera, si estas leyendo este blog, me conoces de alguna manera, si me conoces pues sabes que estuve en la presencia de Mariana Vicente AwWW Fuck it ES BELLA. Ganamos, no me importa la que gano esa mujer tiene un futuro bien cabron (no con Desiree Lowry). Y vamos a ser más honestos todavias, es mas bella que Zuleyka... Y que se joda Mexico...Y Australia (coño esa cabrona parecia que le metieron un puño en la frente en una pelea con un kanguro bajo los efectos de cocaina)

El Templo Islamico cerca del Area Cero: Si creias que los "tea partyists" eran idiotas

Bueno los tea partyist todavia son MUCHO más pendejos que estos idiotas que estan protestando en contra de esto. De que se trata, les dire a resumidas;

Habia un Barrington Coat factory

Ya no hay un barrington

Islamistas quieren edificio para hacer un templo

Local esta muy cerca del Area Cero

Conservadores Protestan para que no se haga.

Claro, pueden hacer el primer teatro de pornografia 3D para niños, un local para Citigroup, o hasta una recidencia para la familia Bush, pero mejor no hacemos un templo Islamico. ¿Porque? Porque los islamistas atacaron las torres gemelas bla bla bla bla. Me afecta a mi, no. Te afecta a ti, si eres islamico un poco, si no pues no. Pero nooooo, los gringos quieren protestar en contra. Puñeta porque no protestaron asi para cuando les pasaron el Patriot Act, o para cuando hicieron lo de las cajas convertidoras, o para cuando dejaron que Justin Bieber vivera más de 3 meses. Ahhh pero espera un momento, todo eso "beneficio" a los gringos. Pues mis queridos gringos, les digo lo que me dijo hoy mi pana Glenn Beck. El me dijo que si hacian el templo, iban a revelar la religion verdadera de Obama!!! OMG. Dejenme darles un hint: No es Musulman.

El Cine Contemporaneo: The Good, The Bad, and the Recycled...Are all Popular

Pues les tengo que decir que Inception es una de mis peliculas favoritas (a 3 posiciones de Airplane!). Eso, es una pelicula verdadera, una obra maestra. Pero es la unica pelicula que es asi y es increiblemente popular. twilight, es una verdadera mierda de pelicula y libro. Las razones por la cual no me gusta, no las discutire aqui. Pero, ha sido una taquillera de carajo, impulsado por fanaticos que viven en Lalaland o mejor deberia decir en GaGa land. Y ahora va a salir otra vez Avatar, Pocahontas con gente azul. Otro exito, porque aparentemente la gente le encanta ver gente que conservan un planeta y lo destruyen para que no piensen en la conservacion y destruccion de su propio planeta. Mi punto es este. Las peliculas taquilleras de hoy son una de tres. O son peliculas impulsadas por una fanaticada viviendo en el mundo magico de parejas"perfectas", o son largometrajes que toman un concepto sin originalidad y le ponen luces brillantes, o hacen un filme que realmente hace uno pensar no solo en la pelicula, sino en como carajo el director ideó algo asi.

Quien Eres Tu: Posiblemente, eres más de una persona

Vi esta cita en uno d emis episodios favoritos de The Sopranos. Es de un hombre llamado Nathaniel Hawthorne y no se quien carajos es, pero lo que dice es verdad:

"No man...can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one may be true."

Basicamente significa que nadie puede ser de una manera solo, y otra a los demas sin que llegue a preguntarse cual es la verdadera. Todos somos diferentes en el interior, MUCHOS son iguales en el exterior. El exterior y el interior son las mascaras proverbiales de que habla Hawthorne. Un de esas mascaras es la verdadera persona, ¿pero y la otra?. Para mi, la otra mascara eres tu tambien, despues de todo tu eres un individuo imprescindiblemente complicado. Todos somos más de una persona. Adquirimos diferentes personalidades dependiendo la persona con quien interactuamos. Y no importa si somos unos descarados o unos santos, eres tú. Tu eres un individuo o una indivua con la infinita capacidad de hacer un sinnúmero de cosas. Puedes sentir más de lo que haz sentido, puedes hacer más de lo que haz hecho y sus limites son impuestos por ustedes. Aqui te digo, tu ser no es sujeto a solo uno. Exploralos y realiza que tu identidad no esta hecha ya, no es relativa a nada y no tiene que ser solo de una manera.

Bueno eso fue extraño. No se si algo de eso hizo sentido, pero me gusta expresar las cosas el momento que ocurren, y desgraciadamente solo ocurren en estos foros. Pues amigos, hasta la proxima entrada.

Lionheart

Relaxing Stories I

Ok. So I'm back in the Metro Area and It hasn't been 3 hours and I miss the countryside of fucked up Mariana. Luckily this summer I managed to acquaint myself once again with the comedy of George Carlin through his book "When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops" and out of this experience I managed to come up with a relaxation exercise that combines humor with creative descriptions, outrageous hyperbol, and the completely ludicrous. That said, I give you (and by extension myself) a few stories straight out of my mind.

Vance

Vance was a traveling man of habits. Every morning he would wake up, go to his balcony and masturbate, only he would not ejaculate until he heard a 16 wheel truck honk its horn on the nearby freeway. He worked in Fort Buchanan cleaning pidgeon shit from the old veterans, and occasionally he assisted in parking old Toyota Corollas for chinese tourists. Once I was told that Vance was run over eight times by a dinghy when he was scuba diving off the coast of the French Guyana. He took pride in the fact that he was the only man to have root canal surgery in front of the totem in old San Juan during the Festival of San Sebastian the day Ricky Martin was dancing Plena. But his bad luck eventually got the best of him when he won a trip to Calcutta in an online swedish polka radio station. There he contracted a virus that made him vomit and go temporarily blind every time he heard a prepositional phrase. The last time I saw Vance he was convicted for conspiring and attempting to assassinate the CEO of Los Gidrines.

Carl

Carl was always an adventurous man. He was the only man to sky dive from 10,000 feet for the sole purpose of taking a shit. During the day he rode manatees off a beach in Moca to entertain his deaf and armless friend Camilo, and during the night he conducted gang bangs in alleyways in Las Marias. Not many people actually knew that Carl was gay, even fewer people knew that he had shock therapy to make himself straight, only it actually made him accept his homosexuality. He met his first boyfriend, Alfonso, in a Señor Froggs in Zimbabwe. They both shared a passionate interest in picking up rather attractive girls (with no effort at all) and afterwards tying them up, gagging them and forcing them to watch one sodomize the other. They broke up five years later when Alfonso confessed to an affair with a Brooklyn plumber. But Carl quickly recovered and one month later his greatest dream came true. He flew an airplane, naked, into St. Peters Square during a high mass on easter Sunday. He was arrested and sentenced to life by the Vatican Justice Department for public nudity, and for falling down and accidentally placing his balls on a 98 year old nun's cheek.

Greta

Greta lived life to its fullest. She was conceived in the middle of a Ritchie Valens concert in Anusface, Manchester. Unbelievably enough, she learned to talk at the age of 9 months; her first words were "What the hell was that". Contrary to popular belief, at the age of 16 she did not lose her virginity in the back of a 67' Buick Regal, but a 68' Regal, although the rumors that the pimple on her left breast popped during climax are actually true. Greta eventually became a nurse after taking an afternoon nurse's course over the phone. She really shined as a heroine when she performed the Heimlich maneuver on Luciano Pavarotti while he was chocking on sautéed Bengal Tiger testicles. On her golden years she traveled the world doing the most extravagant things with particular random luck. She surfed on the coast of the Yangtzee river using the remains of chairman Mao's uncle as a surfboard. Afterwards she ran through Calcutta along with Mother Theresa, but she left Greta after she ate rotten curry and had to take a shit for 2 days straight. During her final years she lived in a village in Vladivostok playing Baccarat with Russian sheep shit cleaners. She died at the age of 104 from tic-tac poisoning. She never had a proper burial though, gypsies just tossed her body into the ocean where it was sodomized by a penguin gang bang.

Howard

Howard lived a good life. Every time he called a midday TV show, they would always put him on the air. Never in his life did he run out of toilet paper when he had really bad diarrhea, and his viewsat receiver always got the dirty channels even during the Nagra 3 blackout of 2008. He loved to brag about his greatest achievements. Some of which included: being the first man to eat a tiger shark from the inside, donating the sperm that was eventually used to conceive the Chinese guy that can eat 30 hot dogs in 2 minutes, and driving a 16 wheeler truck every morning and honking the horn to make some unknown man ejaculate. He never told anyone that he was actually the original creator of the snuggie, making it out of his aunts curtains while he was tripping on LSD on September 11. On a recent trip to Australia, he killed a kangaroo using only his bare hands, but he was arrested for doing so. He quickly broke out of the Australian prison with the help of Dog the Bounty Hunter and David Blaine, unfortunately, Blaine didn't make it when he attempted to stay submerged underwater for 2 hours to avoid the search dogs; He suffered a massive heart attack. Last time I heard from Howard he was somewhere off the coast of the Indian ocean sodomizing coconuts and selling them to tourists in Old San Juan via UPS.

Well took me two days but I enjoyed it. I'll make some more soon, sooner than you think dear reader.

Lionheart