A Letter to Facebook

Dear Facebook:

In light of recent changes you have established, I am now forced to point out things that have recently annoyed me in your website in this, my personal "thought output site". Now let me start by saying, you are not a bad website Facebook, in fact thanks to you many people, including myself, have been able to reconnect with far away friends and family members without having to spend much time or money, especially time. Let me also point out that I have been a regular member of your website since 2007, and even though I have decided to secure my status updates in Twitter, I still use your photo albums feature and your links feature to publish these blog entries. In many ways I think of you as my Publicist in the same way I think of Twitter as my Public Relations secretary and Skype as my Emergency Communications Officer. That being said, forgive me if I use harsh words later on.

First off, the last straw for me getting completely pissed off at you is that for some dumb-fuck reason you decided to take away the lists feature from where you last hid it, under the friends tab. Well I had a wonderful list of 50 something friends whom I truly gave a shit about, unlike the rest of the dumb fucks that constantly post Farmville updates, or boast about the things they're gonna do, did and are doing, or are simply people whom I honestly don't give a shit about, and the only thing preventing me of completely deleting them is courtesy (I strive to be courteous. It fucking sucks sometimes). So you took my list away, and with it my reason of visiting your website. But you weren't always like that.

You see Facebook, I remember how you were simple and easy to use. I remember when Top News was only status updates of all the people whom had recently updated their statuses. But now, Top News includes things like "Person A likes Person B's photo of herself choking on X beverage and not doing the rest of us the wonderful favor of dying in the moment" or things like "Person C has just joined the group I once took a shit, and now I'm going to like this group cause I can relate to it and feel all high and mighty about it" or of course one of my favorites "Person D is attending Gang Bang in Bayamon!! And is also going to magically attend to 30 other events in the same day and time such as 30 person Round the World in Sagrado (Gays only), Orgy in Ocean Park (free condoms), Rape Rave @ Brava (bring mask), Shootout in Cafe Lisboa (bring bulletproof vest) and so on and so on.

Facebook, I honestly couldn't give a shit about what Persons A,B,C,D or Z decide to go, comment, or like. If anything, the only thing I would tolerate by these people is what they said in their status. Thats it. But no, you think I wanna know about their comments, where they're going this weekend, and what they want to say but they don't have the balls to say directly. What the fuck do you want to do, turn me into a certified stalker?

Another thing you tend to do is use your patented "Facebook Logic" to conclude that there are approximately 500+ people I MAY know. And to top it off, those people I MAY know have two or ONE friend in common. WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID. You want me to add some douchebag from Isla Verde cause I know some slut from Patillas who HAPPENS to be friends (Facebook Friends) with the afore mentioned douchebag. FUCK YOU. I don't care if you suggest the Goddamn Pope, I DON'T WANT YOU TO SUGGEST ANYTHING, just tell me what my good friend put on his status so I can chuckle a bit and comment on it (a comment that will no doubt appear on the slut from Patillas' Facebook page).

Finally I would like to point out that I love privacy. Its the best thing in the world. In fact I often do things that I happen to find fun and great to do in privacy or with those whom I can trust will keep it private simply because the rest of the world always thinks its immoral, wrong or in some cases illegal and just plain stupid. And its come to my attention that you suck ass at keeping things private (What I said before probably proves my point). Now you say you have the ability to keep things private, but in reality its impractical and it sucks. I honestly believe this is wrong in your part. You have to keep in mind that a lot of dumb fuck people use you're services almost quadri-hourly and if they say the wrong things, and if you keep a record of it like the government keeps records of known communists, you can easily fuck up the future...the ENTIRE future. Imagine if in 2020 some guy runs for senator and they find photos of him drinking whilst being underage, and at the same time they find out he attended the 30 person Round the World in Sagrado (gays only) and most likely enjoyed it according to a lengthy comment thread about how he blew the homeless gay man down the street afterwards. You do realize he's still going to run and probably win. It will be an awkward disaster of great proportions.

Look. Facebook, you're a wonderful service, but please think about what you're doing. I like the fact that I can contact other people and everything, but hey take it easy. But most importantly...

GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING LIST. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU KNOW HOW HORRIBLE IT IS TO HAVE TO SCROLL DOWN THE SHIT THESE FUCKING ASSHOLES PUT IN THEIR WALLS. JESUS CHRIST.

Thank you for letting me link this in my Facebook page.

Lionheart