Food and I

Now in this insane world we live in, few things still comfort me into a state of mind where I forget about all the problems of this world and go to a magical place where all is happy happy joy joy. Well actually now that I think about it, its actually less things that I thought, but no matter. One of those great things that make me as happy and calm as a cat in the grass is food. Yes friends, food. With it we live, without it we die, too little of it will make us faint and too much of it will make us fat. The important thing is: Food makes us live, and I love food not just because of that, but because its the greatest gift I get each day... well, granted, its the only gift I get in a day. I mean yea first I have to buy it at the store and cook it afterwards but fuck it - I Love It.

Yes friends, I love food. I love eating it, I love getting it, I love smelling it. For what better perfume is there than that of rice with nicely cooked beans or a wet, grease ridden whopper or even shrimp and salad with hearty ranch dressing. Food is the best thing to ever happen to me, its my life (Yes I'm fucking serious! Have you ever tasted a quesadilla!!). Hell if I start a cult, my god will be the almighty stove, and the miraculous microwave will be his prophet. I'm pretty sure I've made clear my love of food now, but there is one thing I truly despise when it happens. And that's when people fuck around with food.

Let me make this clear. Unless its a pie, jello, cake, uncooked turkey and fish, and everything the guy from Man vs Wild eats its not meant to be fucked around with...ever. Now you may be thinking: "but what does it mean to fuck around with food". I'll tell you friend:

• Deprivation of food: Allow me to quote the late great Robert Nesta Marley: "A hungry mob is an angry mob". Deprive me of food, and I suggest you run for your life. 
• Desecration of food: If you like putting ketchup on rice go ahead but if you dare but ketchup on my rice I'll fuck you up all gangsta style... and possibly eat it anyway... ok, you can put ketchup just don't put anything that comes out of your mouth in there... and by that I mean spit ... and no I won't eat that rice with ketchup anyway.
• Theft of food: If I catch the sons of bitches that stole my stuff from the dorm fridge Imma beat them with an iron pole... first I gotta buy one. Shit I gotta go to National for that... Man, National is like the El Mesón of hardware stores.
• Food on the floor: Dropped food is about as useful as dropped cellphones. The higher you drop them from the more useless they become.
• Burnt food (with the exception of bacon): Last time I checked "sand" wasn't a flavor. 
• Forgetting of food: This is happens in the drive-through and you always seem to find out they forgot the fries as soon as you're getting ready to eat... when you finally reached your house. Man that sucks.

I love food. I think you know I love food. If I'm ever in the hospital suffering from an incurable disease, the best thing you can do is bring me food instead of flowers (or flower shaped food. Like taquitos in a flower vase). Hey I don't care, any food is good (especially italian and chinese... bring some eggrolls with the taquitos... and a cannolli). They're as delicious as they are good. Some food may taste like shit but hey so do pills and people take them all the time. My point is: Respect food. Respect who gives it to you, respect the way you cook it, respect the magic of it, and if you cook it, then respect yourself. That's why I believe one of the greatest jobs out there is being a cook or a chef... That, and working in the Tower of Terror over at MGM studios in Disney World. But that's just me.

Ok maybe... If I was desperately hungry... I'd eat rice and spit.
Lionheart

Edited: 4/19/15